be still

My move to Haiti came to me in the most unexpected way. I was a single, 20-something teacher. Full of life and things. While on the outside it seemed I had to all together, on the inside I was a mess. I struggled with knowing my worth, struggled with the waiting on those prayers that were going unanswered for a spouse and questioning if there was more out there for me.


Instead of dealing with these feelings, I filled my life with busyness. If someone asked, I said yes. I used things and time as a way to escape my fears, disappointments and calling.


It was in a small chapel service at school, that I heard the calling..."Many will do in my name, but He will say, I never new you."


Did I really KNOW Him? I went through a period of time where I skipped out of church and instead spent those hours in the stillness of my house getting to know HIM. It seemed everything about what he did and said to do, was to go. But what did that mean? I had already went. I had taken the myself and all of my belongs across the country by myself.


At the same time, my parents had been on a trip to Haiti, which was  God sized miracle...they asked me to go with on another trip, so I did. Again, I felt God saying GO. I changed jobs, so I could travel and GO...Yet, I still felt God saying GO...give me it ALL.


So I went.


I was stripped of everything and almost everyone I knew. It was there I realized God had something far greater than I could every dream of for me and my unanswered prayers. It was there that I saw what HE could do with my LITTLE and my OBEDIENCE.


4 years ago, we left that place, but I left parts of me there. The last 4 years have been a struggle of waiting and wondering what my purpose is again.


Again, I've found myself saying yes to many things, hoping it is the thing that is far greater than I could have imagined. Wondering, when the wait will be over, when He is going to do the BIG THING.


But MAYBE, He's NOT??


Yes, you heard me, maybe there isn't a big thing.


Maybe the far greater is within the 4 walls of our house...
Maybe the far greater is in the small....
Maybe the far greater is being faithful with the few...


I don't have the answer, but I do know, for NOW, He wants me to be still...


to be still and be content in the waiting.