Genesis 29 is the story of two woman who share one man (the man was tricked y'all, but that's not the point of this story)...It's the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel (definitely not why our daughter's name is Lia). You can read the story, but it portrays the story of these two women...one that is never enough (Leah) and one that is too much (Rachel).
I can relate to Leah. I've struggled with Leahism most of my adult life. It's not because I wasn't told how valuable I am or how loved I am or that I didn't know that God created me in His image. I know these truths and I believe them. But, my Leahism is rooted, in my desire to please people. It leaves me feeling that no matter what I do, I'm never enough.
I didn't realize how much this would play into my role as a mom. You see I'm a SAHWM (Stay At Home Working Mom) at the end of most days, I never feel that I've lived up to either one of those roles. I feel that no matter what I did, it was never enough. Either I feel like I let my daughter down, because she's been in a bumbo, bouncy chair, jumper or laying on the floor all day and I haven't hardly played with her or I feel like I hardly accomplished anything at work.
I need grace.
Not from other people, but from myself.
I need to allow myself to work, and be a mom and to realize that I'm good at my job and I'm a good mom and my daughter is well taken care of and is happy. I need to make a conscientious decision each day to give myself grace and to tell myself...
I AM ENOUGH