A Broken and Contrite Heart

It's crazy to think we have been back living in the States for over a year and half now. So much in our lives has changed during that time. In many ways we have grown, but I still feel a struggle.

Some of my struggle has to do with being a new mom and all of a sudden not having time to be in the word, like my heart craves. I read a great blog about quiet times last week and it spoke to my soul. I suggest any new moms or moms of little ones reads it. I'm working on what it means to have time with the Lord, even when I don't have the time I desire.

One of my greatest struggles, is service. My heart is to serve others. So ofter in the word, we read about servanthood and doing for others. Our families desire is to be in Haiti. But the timing is not now. I know that, but it doesn't help my soul. I've struggled with connecting here in the US. Busyness has gotten control of me and to be honest, I've struggled figuring where I fit in. It's hard to turn off part of your heart. I know I need to live fully in this moment, where we are now and not wish it away. When we do finally move to Haiti, I'll be wishing I had moments back in the the states. I've struggled that I'm not serving.

I was reading the Lent Devotional on She Reads Truth this morning. The scripture that was used was from Psalm 51. Verse 17 spoke to me.

What he spoke to me, in this moment...I want you. I want your broken and contrite heart. That is the sacrifice (Ignore my spelling error above) I want. Today, my sacrifice isn't living in a different country, it's surrendering my broken heart to Him. Sometimes I focus too much on the service not the the person I am serving.

Today, I'm surrendering. Surrendering my heart, surrendering my desires. I'm living fully here, in my brokenness.

{25 Days of Christmas} - Day 9 - Dear Lia

Dear Lia -

It's your very first Christmas. This year and next year it won't mean that much to you. You may not even notice that it was different than any other day, other than your cousins will be around for you to watch and there will be lots of boxes and bows for you to look at and play with.

I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. With all of the twinkle lights, the music, the spirit in the air and giving gifts. I can't wait to experience one of my favorite times with you. I can't wait to see Christmas through your eyes.

BUT...

Before you get caught up in it all, I want you to pause.

I want you to pause and to learn why Christmas is so special.

Yes, it is true. The twinkle lights, the music, the spirit and the gifts are all wonderful....BUT, they are not why we celebrate the day.

We celebrate the day because of Jesus. We celebrate and can have joy, not just because of His birth, but because He redeemed us. We are sinners and He has set us free. It's because of the Cross that we celebrate Christmas. It's because our Redeemer paid our ransom.

Don't forget to pause and remember.

Choose JOY during the season, because you have much to be thankful for.

{#31Days of Thanks} - Day 6 - Transformation

Moving back home is humbling...

 

 

This is me at age 17. I wasn't the nicest girl, I screwed up a lot, I made bad decisions, I was mean to people, I acted entitled, I wasn't sympathetic, I did things I'm not proud of...then I moved away.

 

Senior Prom

 

 

Now, I'm back "home" knowing that I am a different person, but knowing that not everyone knows that about me, not everyone knows I am changed. Knowing there is still so much more work to be done in my life...that I have not arrived, I'm not perfect... 

 

 

 

Today, I'm thankful for God's transformation. I'm thankful for all he has done in my life, all he has brought me through and taught me. He has REDEEMED me. I'm even more thankful, that He isn't done with me yet.

 

At Bible Study we are reading "How People Change" by Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp. I love what they write.

 

God has not called us a to a life of "I have spiritually arrived" or "I am just waiting for heaven." Rather, he calls us to a life of constant work, constant growth, and constant confession and repentance. Making us holy is God's unwavering agenda until we are taken home to be with him. He will do whatever he needs to produce holiness in us. He wants us to be a community of joy, but he is willing to compromise our temporal happiness in order to increase our Christlikeness. Any time we find ourselves in difficulty or trial, it is easy to think we have been forgotten or rejected by God. This is because we do not understand the present process. God is not working for our comfort and ease; he is working on our growth. At the very moment we are tempted to question his faithfulness, he is fulfilling his redemptive promises.

 

I'm so glad He is working for me...that I am still "in process" and that He is continually transforming me.



{I wish I could tell you}

Little One...

I watched you today...

My mind and soul hurt for you as I witnessed you do something that you didn't even realize. Your society has perverted your mind...you know how to move your body, how to dance in ways to draw attention. Only, at this age, you don't yet realize the attention that you will receive.

You see, little one, I watched you today...

I watched 3 men over the age of 20 watch your body move. It wasn't your intention to make them lust..but it did. They watched and cheered as your body shaked..

I wanted to stop you, little one...

 

Today, little one, I wish I could tell you...

* Your beautiful the way God created you to be....

* You don't need the attention from others to be satisfied. Jesus is the only one that will satisfy you.

* You don't need to advertise yourself to be loved. You are loved...you are loved by your creator and you are loved by me.

* The yearning in your heart for someone...that comes from the Lord...seek him, not others.

Little One, I pray for you...

* I pray you will know and understand the love of your Savior and Redeemer.

* I pray your needs will be meet, so you don't sell your body to support yourself.

* I pray you will save yourself.

* I pray that you grow to be a warrior for Christ...

You are loved, little one.

{Everyday in May} - Chosen

Today's blog prompt was to talk about our worst traits. While I have a lot of traits that are bad and drive me crazy. I have spent too much time in my life focusing on those. I want to focus on a good trait, one that I don't deserve, but a label I have because of Christ's redemption...

I am Chosen.

Dictionary.com defines chosen as "selected from several; preferred"

The Bible mentions the word chosen 118 times and in 115 verses. 

Colossians 3:12 says, "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience," 

1 Thessalonians 1:4 says, "For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you," 

James 2:5 says, "Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom,which he has promised to those who love him?"

1 Peter 2:4,9 "As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious...But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."

I have been studying this for several weeks now. I'm in awe. God has chosen me! I will never fully understand this or be able to fully grasp all that this means, but God loves me and has created me...I screwed it up...He redeemed me and sees me as PERFECT!!!

WOW!!