Wednesday, March 4, 2015

A Broken and Contrite Heart

It's crazy to think we have been back living in the States for over a year and half now. So much in our lives has changed during that time. In many ways we have grown, but I still feel a struggle.

Some of my struggle has to do with being a new mom and all of a sudden not having time to be in the word, like my heart craves. I read a great blog about quiet times last week and it spoke to my soul. I suggest any new moms or moms of little ones reads it. I'm working on what it means to have time with the Lord, even when I don't have the time I desire.

One of my greatest struggles, is service. My heart is to serve others. So ofter in the word, we read about servanthood and doing for others. Our families desire is to be in Haiti. But the timing is not now. I know that, but it doesn't help my soul. I've struggled with connecting here in the US. Busyness has gotten control of me and to be honest, I've struggled figuring where I fit in. It's hard to turn off part of your heart. I know I need to live fully in this moment, where we are now and not wish it away. When we do finally move to Haiti, I'll be wishing I had moments back in the the states. I've struggled that I'm not serving.

I was reading the Lent Devotional on She Reads Truth this morning. The scripture that was used was from Psalm 51. Verse 17 spoke to me.

What he spoke to me, in this moment...I want you. I want your broken and contrite heart. That is the sacrifice (Ignore my spelling error above) I want. Today, my sacrifice isn't living in a different country, it's surrendering my broken heart to Him. Sometimes I focus too much on the service not the the person I am serving.

Today, I'm surrendering. Surrendering my heart, surrendering my desires. I'm living fully here, in my brokenness.

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